Today is an opportunity that I have to set sail on a new journey. Today is an opportunity that I have to reset my GPS to a much referenced; but foreign destination. Although I have never traveled to this unknown place, I sense that I will be recreated by the experience. My decision to travel is made easier by the fact that my present location is no longer recognizable. My present has been invaded by the unintended consequences of a mutation that is calling upon my own body to battle against itself. Staying where I am, the place I loved to wake up to each morning, is no longer possible. I linger for a while. A bittersweet moment of reminiscing. But, the ever-changing seas wash away the sand from beneath my feet. I feel my footing release itself. I reluctantly allow the unchartered sea to draw me into its contents. I feel the terror of being drowned. I feel the relief that comes while allowing a mysterious source to transform me. I allow myself to trust its wisdom. I give up my desire for control and dominance!
I call on my guides for assistance. My guides are named Safety and Discovery. I know that I need them both. As I call them, I realize that there will be a battle. Safety and Discovery are often in conflict with one another about which route to travel. Safety often travels on the road of Fear. Discovery travels the road of Courage. This unholy Trinity of Safety, Discovery, and Fear, creates an “I want this; BUT” thought process that is incompatible with change and often results in regrets. The opposing “I want to” thought process creates Destiny.
My opposing thoughts begins to navigate through the frothy, dark, tumultuous waters. It spits its contents into the face of Fear and Regret. It sends them overboard and assigns Discovery to the helm. I am loving the challenge. I am loving the taste of the salty, briny contents of defiance as I surrender to my destiny. If feels like this chapter in my life has already been written. I simply have to be brave enough to see it to the next safe port. Easy! Right? I have to trust myself and my instincts to move me from one safe port to the next. Each port of safety acting as a buffer between the obstacles along the way. Ports that allow me to rest between the chapters of my life.
Suddenly, my movements become tenacious and cautious. I come to an impasse in the storm. Everything is hazy and vague. I am blind to my prophetic vision. My GPS stops working as if the very life of it is being sucked out as I hold my breath in fear. Fear overpowers my need for self discovery. I am sucked into the deep mouth of this moment. I continue to hold my breath fearful that if I breathe, I will expel the stagnant stench into the opportunistic air around me. My eyes sting with the salty spray as Fear mocks my Instinct to morph into a new self. My thoughts are swarming with ideas and visions that might send me prematurely into the nearest port. In my desire to be rescued and saved, I read the ports’ names. They read, “Safe Harbor”, “Blind Man’s Bluff”, “Rescue Haven”, “Calm Waters Harbor”, and “Rest a Bit”.
I head to Rest a Bit. It offers me a place to regain the strength I need to complete my journey. I avoid being rescued. I know that safe harbors are offered along my mysterious journey; just as there are rest stops along I495. I avoid being in the denial of “Blind Man’s Bluff”. I avoid being lulled into the false belief that a meaningful life can be lived in the confines of “Calm Waters Harbor”.
I am learning to breath under water.