It has occurred to me that the process of physical recovery from a chronic loss of energy and intention (any life experience that leaves a person diminished in any way) requires a surrender to all things known and dependable. This process of recovery must include more than the miraculous regeneration of old, sick cells to healthy cells coded with new possibilities. And, if one is to replace dysfunctional cells with animated, life sustaining cells; the entire unit must surrender to the process. The entire unit must surrender the self of the past to the life sustaining self of the future. What good would it do to replace old floors only to have them destroyed by a leaky roof?
So, what are these components? Initially, the primal fears of death, loss, impotence, lonliness and insignificance that drive our actions unconsciously must be recognized. Then, the very practical challenge of recognizing the unrealistic and negative emotions that trigger these automatic responses of fear must be identified. Finally, we must recognize the thoughts that trigger these fearful emotions. If there is no ability to become conscious of our fears and the often unconscious thoughts and beliefs that insure their continuation, change and renewal is impossible. This is a subject to be addressed in more detail at another time.
I had a nightmare which characterizes these components of the human mind and its response to fear. In the dream I was being assaulted by visually graphic demons on one path and the childish joy of a puppy on an alternate path. I was unable to take the whimsicle path due to my uncontrolled need to insure that the demons did not devour me. As I stood, paralyzed, a voice came from behind me warning, “Don’t look behind you!”. It was an unconscious reminder that my past cannot be brought into my future recovery. Still, I resisted by reminding my wise self how hard I had worked to achieve the things it was asking me to leave behind. So, I had a choice! I could continue looking backwards trying to recover what once way. Or, I could move into the future with my fears intact. Or, I could move into the future with a willingness to create a new belief system that would allow growth and regeneration. The old beliefs went along the lines of, “I am what I do. Therefore, if I can no longer do it, I no longer have value”.
So, this blog is a commitment to move into the future facing my fears and identifying their validity. This is the sloughing of the old and the germination of the new. I realize control is great when you believe that you have it. But, The true self is made possible when the myth of control is exposed. And, perhaps the greatest primitive fear of all – uncertainty – is embraced with a new belief that change can occur without certainty.